I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
