I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
