nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
