Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
