my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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