All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
