omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
