eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
