i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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