Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
