i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
