I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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