In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
