You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
