We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
