His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
