WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
