I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
