Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
