You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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