I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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