If that was your dad, he is hot
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
