We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
