i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wear drunk well.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
