I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
