with your own penis?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
