I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
