I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
