So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
