that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
