There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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