two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
