I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
