I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
