Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
please come you make the beer taste better
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
