Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
