I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
