whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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