i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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