i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
