dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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