Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
