He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
