I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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