my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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