I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
