SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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