he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
