Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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