I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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