Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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