wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
