He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
