Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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