wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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