Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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