Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize