apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
