This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
