my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
