I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
