my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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