btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
