this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
