He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
