So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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