walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
