everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize