Apparently you make a good broom.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
