i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
