She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
