my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
