my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need a beard to bite.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
