Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
