I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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