Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
