My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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