My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
