u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
