I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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