I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
