Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
