So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
