Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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