I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's official drugs can't kill me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
