I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
