were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
